Bailout Nation ][: A Rise in Points Lifts All Students

This had the Designated Conservative rolling on the floor laughing this afternoon (excerpt below –click here to read the whole thing):

The Great Grade Bailout

Posted by Huston

There is a great inequity in justice in our public school systems.  I refer, of course, to the fact that some students have higher grades than others. This can only be the result of institutional disenfranchisement, and must be corrected by government intervention.  Besides, our nation’s future faces catastrophic academic failure if we don’t artificially prop it up now.

By which I mean,…

…the failing students need a bailout.

All of those kids who are only half as likely to show up at all as they are to actually do any studying or homework will be granted a special dispensation from the Department of Education, something in the neighborhood of, say, 800 billion points. (Though, what with corruption, unforeseen needs, and poor management, that total will likely exceed a trillion points.)

So every slacker who sat there and chose to finish a class with a 2% grade will now get to graduate, which is perfectly fair. Uncle Sam will guarantee the success of every student in America. After all, what with the obesity epidemic, most American kids are “too big to fail.”

Where will these new points come from? For now, the Department of Education will print new points for these students to use. The devaluation of academic credits caused by this necessary deficit spending will put the diplomas of the diligent hard workers out there “under water,” as it were, making them upside down in the investment they made in their course work….

Ultimately, though, points will need to be confiscated from honors students and redistributed to those in need. So many points will be needed in order to prop up the rampant wave of ignorant, lazy students who have gotten so far behind on their course work that they’ve been “foreclosed” on and finished high school without a diploma, that honors students for the next three generations will be have to contribute the points they’ll earn on class work in order to pay off the balance….

Taking these points away from straight-A students will only be correcting the wrongs of a “class” war that we’ve allowed to exist for far too long….

Welcome to the real world, kids.

Welcome to the world of Obamanation; a world in which an education bailout sounds just plausible enough for folks to say, “You are kidding, right?  Please say you’re not serious!…”

This entry was posted in 2008 Election, Education and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Bailout Nation ][: A Rise in Points Lifts All Students

  1. Huston says:

    Thanks for the link, DC! Glad you got a kick out of it. You’re right, too–it’s only a matter of time before these warped economic ideas carry over into education. Maybe I shouldn’t have written this–some liberal will read it, take it seriously, and write a bill!

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