…or How to Play Nice in the Same Sandbox With Other GOP Politicians
Dear 2012 GOP presidential candidates:
As we are already beginning to hear the rumblings that precede the 2012 POTUS electoral earthquake, it is time to lay down a few ground rules for prospective republican candidates for President of these Unites States of America:
RULE NUMBER ONE:
Reagan’s 11th Commandment (“Thou shalt not speak ill of thy fellow republicans.”) should be stapled to your forehead, burned into the memory of your iPhone, and printed in bold letters at the top of every one of your speeches.
Anything derogatory that you do or say against one of your primary opponents WILL be used against that person by the Obama Machine when he or she becomes the GOP nominee. Please take note that your failure to follow the 11th Commandment will increase the likelihood that you will not be the GOP nominee!
RULE NUMBER TWO:
The Tea Party movement wants to be friends with you and help you succeed, but you must play nice and follow the GOP POTUS Candidate Scout Law:
A GOP POTUS Candidate is…
- Trustworthy, telling the truth at all times and being honest with the voters about what he or she believes and would do as President. People can depend on the candidate to keep all campaign promises.
- Loyal, true to his or her family, friends, political party, state, and country. He or she promises to always apply the Tea Party’s conservative governing principles to the job of President, even in the face of liberal derision and big government lobbying.
- Helpful, genuinely caring about other people, especially those involved in the Tea Party movement. The candidate willingly volunteers time, access, and an actively listening ear to conservative voters in every state, regardless of electoral vote count or red/blue/battleground status, without expecting payment or reward.
- Friendly to all and considers him or herself to be a brother or sister to other constitutional conservatives in the GOP. The candidate promises to offer as President the hand of friendship to people of all races and nations, and agrees to respect them even if their beliefs and customs are different from his or her own.
- Courteous, being polite to everyone regardless of age or position, but never refers to President Obama or any Democrats as “my friends.” He or she always employs good manners, even with liberals, but never degrades or diminishes conservatism just to get face time on MSNBC or the Sunday talk shows.
- Kind, knowing that there is strength in gentle persuasion. The candidate always treats others, especially subordinates and the public, as he or she wants to be treated.
- Obedient in enforcing the laws of the land and respecting the U.S. Constitution as written and intended by our Founding Fathers. If the candidate thinks a law is unreasonable or unconstitutional, he or she promises to work to have it changed in an orderly manner rather than disobeying the law.
- Cheerful, even in the face of a hostile mainstream media and Rachel Maddow.
- Thrifty, especially with government funds and resources!
- Brave, with courage to stand for what he thinks is right, especially a strong and vigorous defense of these United States and the U.S. Constitution against all enemies of freedom and liberty.
- Clean, not in the way Vice-President Biden thinks of this term, but rather is spiritually clean and morally straight.
- Reverent toward God, faithful in his religious duties, and respects the beliefs of others.
RULE NUMBER THREE:
Always apply the Anti-McCain Maneuver Rule to your campaign. Never, never, never publicly abandon a state to your opponent a month before the election!
RULE NUMBER FOUR:
Always obey the RINO Repellent Proviso in “open” primary states like Michigan. Never, never, never publicly invite Democrats to crossover and vote for you in an “open” primary (also known in my home state as the “Never Do That Again Mr. Snyder Admonishment”).
RULE NUMBER FIVE:
Hire conservatives first and often. The candidate promises to surround himself with campaign staff who are also true believers in constitutional conservatives governing principles.
Follow these ground rules and you will find friendly faces and helping hands and hearts in every city and town where the Tea Party movement has a foothold. These are the keys to GOP success in 2012!